


Reviving a Frozen Heart

by dimlylitbathroom



Category: Captain America (2011), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-30
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-11-13 04:44:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimlylitbathroom/pseuds/dimlylitbathroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Steve decides he deserves a second chance, Loki's allowed to come to Earth and work alongside the Avengers towards redemption. No one's really happy about it, but they're rolling with the punches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Right to Redemption

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a Loki redemption fic and thought the idea of there being a relationship between the 'best' and the 'worst' was an interesting idea, so Loki/Steve it is. 
> 
> The title comes from The Brothers Karamazov, the full quote being "One may thaw and revive a frozen heart in that convict, one may wait upon him for years, and at last bring up from the dark depths a lofty soul, a feeling, suffering creature; one may bring forth an angel, create a hero!"

The tension in the room was oppressive. The whole team had been on edge since they’d been told, snapping and snarling at each other over breakfast before scurrying quickly away, distance providing the only respite from the strain that hung over them all. 

_Loki was coming._

Well, not coming, not really, not yet, but something at the base of Steve’s spine, or lodged in his gut, or in the hairs on the back of his neck, or any other cliché you cared to name, was telling him that a spectre of Loki could do just as much damage as flesh and blood. 

Steve hadn’t been able to tell what Thor was thinking when he’d proposed it to them. Thor had already spoken to Fury, and that alone was enough to send warning bells caterwauling in Steve’s brain. Thor went to Fury first, got official approval, before approaching the team. Thor was a lot of things, and a formidable teammate, but pursuing things through the official channels had never been his strong suit. 

Steve didn’t know what to expect, he just had a vague sense that it wouldn’t be good for any of them. Not even, he suspected, for Thor, by the way the hulking blonde’s shoulders seemed bunched with pent up anxiety and the way a permanent frown marred his face. Whatever this was, Thor seemed to have reservations about it too. 

When Fury had told them what Thor had asked him, Steve wondered what exactly it was that gave him bad feelings about things, what part of his brain or his body seemed at least a little prescient, a little aware of when awful things were on their way. 

_“Thor has requested a meeting between the Avengers and Loki. Loki has a proposal he’d like to put before you. Barton, sit down” Fury barked just as Clint stood and made for the door. Fury eyed them all closely, and Steve couldn’t help but think that for a man with one eye, he sure knew how to glare._

“Now I know how you all feel about Loki. And believe me, I feel the same. He’s a murderer.” 

Steve watched Thor shift uncomfortably in his seat, the god’s huge frame at odds with such a nervous gesture. 

“He’s arrogant, quite probably psychotic, and a whole host of other things I don’t really have the time or the inclination to get into right now. But, we’ve decided you’re going to hear him out.” 

“And how is that your call?” Tony’s voice was all condescension and even though Steve couldn’t help but agree with the question, he still found himself frowning a little. 

“It’s my call, Stark, because you all work for me. I’m not asking you to talk to him as Tony Stark, billionaire playboy, whatever you like to call yourself. I’m _ordering you_ to talk to him as Iron Man, member of the Avengers.” 

Tony threw Steve a glare that packed in an impressive number of things for such a quick look. _Why aren’t you saying anything? You’re supposed to be team leader, so lead. Fury’s an asshole, back me up. Loki threw me out a window, do you have convenient amnesia on that?_

Steve almost wanted to smile at how familiar the look was, but all he offered was a shrug. An order was an order, and even though Steve didn’t exactly have the best track record with following orders to the letter, this was one he didn’t want to fight. Steve wasn’t about to let things fracture, to let divisions and arguments tear them apart. Thor was fractious around anything that even touched on Loki, and Steve could see this getting ugly fast. 

“Thor’s behind this” Steve said loudly, looking at his teammate. He leaned forward a little as he spoke to Thor. “So we’re behind this too. I can’t promise we’re going to like what Loki says, or whatever this ‘proposal’ is, but I can promise we’ll listen.” 

“You’re making promises on behalf of the whole team now are you Cap?” Clint’s voice was a razor and Steve looked at him carefully. “In that case, I’d like it on record that any potential suitors should be older than 30 and younger than 50. For when you give away my hand.” 

“Like the director says”, Steve said calmly, but it burned a little to be saying those words, to be agreeing with someone whose methods and intentions and loyalties Steve couldn’t agree with less, “this isn’t about our personal preferences. It’s Avengers business. The decision’s been made.” 

A muscle jumped in Clint’s jaw, Tony looked mutinous, and Natasha looked… Well, unflappable, but that didn’t mean much. Bruce was just staring at the table blankly, but none of them said anything more and Fury nodded. 

“Good. The meeting, or…Whatever it is, is tomorrow. I expect you all to be there” and with that the director was sweeping from the room, coat fluttering behind him like glossy black wings and the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that perpetually followed him trailing along in his wake. 

_Tomorrow then,_ Steve thought as he looked around at his team and couldn’t quite suppress the shiver that ran through him. 

* * *

Steve shifted in his seat. His heart, his steady, constant heart, seemed to be trying to beat through his chest. His ribs felt like they were being pried open but its furious pumping and looking around the room wasn’t doing anything to calm his nerves. 

The entire team was manifesting nerves in a different way. Tony was furiously tapping on his phone, fingers moving so fast Steve wondered what he could really be doing. Playing that Highway Unicorn game maybe. Clint was clenching and unclenching one of his fists, resting his elbow on the table and watching closely as the muscles flexed and relaxed. Steve stared at him a little longer than anyone else before turning to Natasha and quickly moving on. There was next to no point observing her. Steve couldn’t read her, and if he could, he’d only be reading what she wanted him to see. Bruce was next, sitting a little removed and looking nervous as usual. His eyes were darting around the room and he was muttering something under his breath. 

Steve sighed and moved onto Thor himself. Thor looked… Well, terrible. His skin was wan and dull, his hair lank and greasy, and his expression a picture of misery. Steve leaned over a little, keeping his voice low. 

“How are you going?” he asked, concerned. What exactly was Loki’s proposal to have Thor in such a state? 

“I am well, Captain” Thor replied. Steve frowned at the lie and Thor smiled a little ruefully before even that was gone from his face. “I have never been adept at concealing my true feelings. In truth, I…” 

Steve was leaning even closer to catch Thor’s words when a flicker in the air caught his attention. He whipped his head around and watched a little in awe (some things were always astonishing) as Loki’s form coalesced in front of them. 

Loki’s spectre flickered for a moment before he settled and appeared solid, sitting in the chair next to Thor seemingly at ease, if as stiff as he had been last time they’d met. Steve waited a few moments, unsure if the solidity was permanent and even more unsure of what to say and whose show this really was. 

Thor saved him the trouble when he spoke. “Brother” he said, in a voice that was quiet for him but still a boom for most people. 

“Thor” Loki replied and Steve was confused by the bite that still haunted Loki’s voice. Thor was helping him, Thor was alienating his teammates and taking risks for him, and Loki’s voice was still chill and his gaze didn’t land on Thor once. 

“The Avengers have agreed to hear your request” Thor said and he seemed to be getting more anxious by the second. It was infectious and the tension in the room was ramping up by the second. 

“I know that already” Loki said and he sounded exactly like a petulant younger brother insisting he _knows that_ and that there’s nothing more for him to learn. 

“I know not what Thor has told you, nor the extent of your own suspicions, as to the reason for me being here…” Loki began, before Tony cut across him.

“Can we move this along Gargamel? Save the flowery speeches? You know how it is, cities to rebuild, civilians to comfort, graves to visit” Tony’s voice was bored but he spat his words and Steve waited for Loki to respond and for the entire thing to descend into sniping before it even began. 

“Of course Mr. Stark” was all Loki replied and without waiting for anything further, he drew a deep breath and began to speak again. “I wish to come to Earth and work alongside you, the Avengers, to atone for my previous crimes.” 

Silence followed, and Steve couldn’t really blame them for that. He could feel himself frowning and knew he was probably staring at Loki, but of all the scenarios he’d envisioned, this one hadn’t occurred to him once. Loki. Coming to Earth. Working with them. Suddenly Thor’s despondent appearance made a lot more sense. This was… Insane. 

Tony was the first one to break the silence, and while he was more blunt than Steve might have been, he did have a point. 

“Do you seriously expect us to believe you’re going to set aside your evil ways and fight on the side of puppies and kittens and everything righteous?” Tony asked incredulously. 

“Well, that is the question at hand; do you, or can you, believe that? I do not think there is a question that I could be useful to your team,” Loki said smoothly. 

“Actually, people who are murdering psychopaths tend not to be too useful in team situations, no matter how many magic tricks they know.” 

“I do not do tricks” Loki snapped and Steve saw under that thin veneer of politeness and cordiality was the same seething anger as before. He sat back in his chair, even less convinced than before. 

Tony clapped his hands and leaned forward a little manically. “Right. Well, this seems like a great idea, yeah, I can see why Fury thought we’d go for this, I mean, what’s not to love? We move a wannabe warlord into the tower, forget we ever knew a man named Phil Coulson, sic the sorcerer’s apprentice over here onto any bad guys who happen by, and everyone’s happy. I mean, except for _everyone.”_

 _Fury_ Steve thought with a frown. He didn’t really want to think about what Thor or Loki had offered Fury to get his co-operation. The director was still a shadow to Steve, still unknown and untrustworthy and he couldn’t help but think back to Phase 2 and the deep-seated craving for power that seemed endemic to S.H.I.E.L.D. What promises had been made to convince Fury to wipe clean a slate splattered with his own agent’s blood? 

“Tony, you’re not helping” Steve said shortly. He couldn’t disagree that Loki’s proposal was… Problematic. And bizarre. And some warning should have been given. But sniping wasn’t going to solve anything and Tony was cutting too close to things that were painful for all of them. 

“Hey Thor, you’re closest, can you check Steve eyes for a haunting ice blue glaze?”

“Not funny Stark” Clint snapped from across the table. 

“I’m not the one suggesting the guy who skull fucked you shack up down the hall so put your hackles down” Tony snapped back.

“Tony! _You’re not helping”_ Steve said, his voice low and his gaze locked on Tony’s. 

Tony threw himself back in his chair and pulled out his phone, muttering “Fine, it’s your funeral” as he turned his attention to the small screen in his palm. 

Steve took a deep breath and looked at Loki, or Loki’s spectre anyway. This felt surreal and he was grasping for what he should do or what he should say. 

“Loki, can you… Do you have anything to say that you think might convince us?” he asked eventually, blushing a little at how idiotic he sounded.

Loki’s gaze was intense but Steve didn’t waver. He almost wanted to hear this, wondered if the god they called Liesmith and Silvertongue could really come up with anything good enough to make a room full of his enemies put down the knives and welcome him with open arms. 

“I have a great many things I could say Captain. I could go the obvious route, of pointing out that Stark’s weapons have killed more people than my ill-fated invasion did. Of course, they weren’t people you knew, or people in your country, and the damage didn’t happen on your doorstep, but how do you measure the worth of a life? Or I could make the equally obvious point that the two liars, the _spies_ have no right to the moniker ‘virtuous’ than I do. They are killers, like Stark is a killer, like I am a killer.”

Clint, Natasha, and Tony were glaring daggers at Loki and Steve wondered how they were still in their seats. He’d have put money on them stalking out long before now, but as he watched them he could see the effect Loki’s words were having. Each word was barbed, and each word had found its mark, burrowing under their skin and catching. If they moved now, they’d rip, tears that wouldn’t heal. Steve realised he was holding his breath. 

“I could threaten you, as Stark once threatened me. Threaten you with the loss of your teammate” and Steve started in confusion, wondering who Loki was threatening when he realised he meant _Thor._

Steve glanced at the blonde god and for the first time understood that look of misery. _Thor will leave us if we say no to this_ and the flash of anger in Steve’s gut was cut off a second later by a pang of sympathy. 

_Blood is thicker than water_ he thought before remembering a second later that Thor and Loki weren’t blood and that the saying wasn’t really true anyway. Or maybe it was, but only when you chose who your blood was. Bucky had been Steve’s blood, and Loki was Thor’s, and Steve couldn’t blame him for choosing that over anything. 

Loki was still speaking but Steve got the feeling he was winding down and coming to his point. His voice was lower and his tone softer. Steve found himself leaning forward a little to catch the words. 

“Or I could simply ask a question; who deserves redemption? Who are you to deem my sins too grievous to be forgiven? My atonement unreachable? I neither expect, nor ask for, your forgiveness. I merely ask for a chance.” 

Loki’s form fell silent and he seemed to dim a little in the light. There was silence around the room but no one was looking at each other. Steve glanced around at the team. Thor looked stricken and somehow ashamed, his fists clenched tightly on the table. 

Clint and Natasha sat side by side, each looking in opposite directions and with no emotion on display. They looked tense in their seats, but that was all. 

Bruce looked anxious, but then he always did, and Steve remember he hadn’t uttered a word during the entire meeting. Loki had stayed away from him, hadn’t mentioned the Hulk’s body count or the sins Bruce was atoning for. Bruce caught his eyes and shrugged a little and Steve moved on to Tony. 

The engineer’s hand was wrapped around his phone tight enough to crack it. His knuckles were white and the muscles in his neck stood out like bas-relief. 

They couldn’t decide, not now. It was insane, completely and utterly. But Steve couldn’t stop Loki’s words dripping through his ear. _“Who deserves redemption?”_

“Will you give us some time to think about this?” Steve asked, ignoring the heat he could almost feel as the others glared at him. 

“Of course, Captain. Inform Thor when you have reached your decision.” This polite Loki was somehow even more unnerving than the Loki who’d shoved his head down with a sceptre and told him to _Kneel_ and Steve couldn’t help fidgeting a little. 

He was expecting a parting jab, or a final plea, but Loki didn’t even look around before flickering once then disappearing altogether. His departure seemed to snap whatever cord had been holding the others in place and almost as one they bolted from the table and poured into the hallway. 

Steve sighed and leaned back in his chair. 

“Captain” Thor’s voice sounded so small, so broken, that Steve had to shut his eyes for a moment before replying. 

“Yeah?” was all he said when he eventually found his voice. 

“I am sorry” and that was even more broken. 

Steve let out his breath in a rush and shrugged as he sat up. 

“I won’t lie, the thought of losing you is a blow. And… Don’t take this the wrong way, but I didn’t like that Loki used it as a bargaining chip.” 

Thor nodded, his expression disapproving. 

“I had advised him against that. I knew you would not approve and told him any team he was accepted onto for fear of the consequences would not be a team at all. He merely scoffed, as he always does at such things.” 

“But…” Steve started hesitantly. “It’s true, isn’t it?” 

Thor didn’t reply for long moment and his gaze was far enough away that Steve wondered if he’d heard him. 

“Thor?”

“Aye, it is true. I can offer no explanation that would be sufficient. I can only say that losing him once was almost more pain than I could bear. To have him back, even broken and lost as he is, it is… Indescribable.”

Steve nodded his understanding. He got it, he really did, in a dime store psychology sort of way. Loki didn’t believe words, he didn’t believe what Thor said or claimed or promised. He could only believe what Thor did, and for now all Thor could do to prove he loved Loki, to prove they were still brothers, was bow to his whims. It was dumb, and it couldn’t go on, and it asked nothing of Loki, but Steve got doing dumb things because you had no other option. 

They’d been looking at it as though Thor wanted his brother back, but looking at Thor’s broken face and seeing how much the idea of being forsworn hurt him, Steve realised Thor _needed_ his brother back, in a way none of them could really understand. 

“It’s ok Thor. It really is.” 

The look on Thor’s face let Steve know how comforting he wasn’t, but he didn’t really have anything else. Only part of his brain was engaged, the rest was out in the hallway, in the various rooms the other Avengers had scattered to. They were his team, and he needed their support. 

“Look, Thor, I should go and check on… Go and talk to the others.” 

Thor nodded but as Steve stood up to leave his oversized hand clasped around Steve’s wrist. 

“Captain” his voice was serious and Steve had to meet his eye. “You did not give your opinion. Do you think my brother beyond redemption?” 

Steve looked down at his teammate, someone he respected and trusted and cared about, and he couldn’t lie. 

“I don’t know. For me, yeah, maybe he is” Steve didn’t miss the way Thor’s face fell and he hid a smile wondering how anyone could have believed Thor and Loki were brothers when every emotion Thor ever had came written plainly across his face. “But Thor, I do think one of the things he said was right. It’s not for us to decide. Maybe he is and maybe he isn’t, but no one on this team is perfect and not one of us has the right to play judge, jury and executioner to your brother.”

Thor nodded once and let go of Steve’s wrist. 

“Aye” he said, his voice low, and Steve thought he was going to say more but Thor just sat there and stared ahead unseeing as Steve left the room in search of Tony.

* * *

Tony was all restless energy, with twitching limbs and a sneering voice. 

“I know you love to play the hero, but this is so far beyond the fucking pale” he snapped at Steve, his glare intense. 

“That’s not what this is about” Steve said firmly. 

“Gotta call bullshit on that one Cap, that is _clearly_ what this is about, that’s _all_ this is about. Look, I know they taught you about forgiveness and redemption in Sunday school but I’m here to tell you, some people can’t be saved.” 

“Tony, that has nothing to do with this…” Steve began, but Tony interrupted him mid-sentence. 

“You know what, I need an explanation here, I really do, I thought you were the champion of good and right and the American way, why are you on his side?! That little speech in there wasn’t even aimed at you, it was aimed at me, and Clint, and Natasha, the _bad_ ones, the ones with things to atone for, the ones whose guilt is just eating us up inside. Loki was trying to pull on our heartstrings but somehow you got caught in the crossfire, is that it?” 

“Nobody’s pulling on my heartstrings, I…” 

“I mean, how could you fall for that?! I know for a fact you weren’t born yesterday, or even yesterday 50 years ago. Did they not have liars in the ‘40s?” 

“Tony” Steve wanted to think his voice was firm and resonant but was willing to admit it was probably closer to snappish. “Maybe the reason you can’t see his point isn’t because he doesn’t have one, but because you don’t want to admit that he does.” 

Steve noted the almost imperceptible tightening along Tony’s jaw, the slight shift in his stance as his entire body tensed. 

“Right. Captain America thinks Loki has a point. That point being… What? That I’m a butcher? That Clint and Natasha are criminals? That…”

“That mistakes are things that happen to everyone” Steve interrupted before Tony could launch into another tirade. “And that if we start quantifying how much each life is worth we can’t be sure that, out of all of us, Loki would be the one with the most blood on his hands.” 

“Blood on his hands...” Tony echoed, his eyes wide before they narrowed and his mouth set in a thin line. “Nice use of ‘us’ there Cap. That sure makes me feel like part of the team.” 

As he tried to shoulder past, Steve shot out a hand and grabbed his wrist. 

“I need to know; will you back this?” 

“Will I…?” Tony seemed incredulous. “This is your play? Your decision? Your choice? Really? Look, Cap, I know you’re all about doing the right thing and giving people second chances but Loki…” 

“You wouldn’t be here without second chances” Steve said bluntly, tightening his grip on Tony’s forearm when the shorter man tried to wrench it away. “No, listen to me. You wouldn’t be here without second chances, and I can’t even imagine how much worse off we’d be.” 

Tony had been about to snap something but when Steve’s words sunk in he closed his mouth and looked at the ground. 

“Tony. You’re an asset to this team. You’re _the asset._ What if no one had ever thought you worthy of redemption?” 

This was it, the only play Steve had. He believed it, believed that proof that second chances were worth it was standing right in front of him, but he still felt grimy getting so personal. It was a risky move, Tony could simply tell him to go to hell and then they’d be without Thor and without Tony and the team would be dead. But Steve wanted this, felt like he almost needed this. He needed to see if anything could grow out of the destruction Loki had left behind. 

Steve knew Tony’s decision when he felt the wrist in his hand stop straining. Tony slumped a little and when he looked up, his eyes seemed haunted. 

“Ok. If you really think this is a good idea, or whatever the fuck you think this is, then ok. But I want you to think real hard about how much is riding on this, how much is riding on the guy who massacred and desecrated his way through this planet. Just…” 

Tony seemed to give up halfway and instead of finishing, just waved his hand in the air and strode off down the hallway. Steve felt the pent up breath he’d been holding in leave him in a rush and he tilted his head back, the lights burning pinpricks in his eyes. 

One down, he thought as he turned on his heel and made the journey towards Bruce’s lab. 

* * *

“I don’t want to talk about this” Bruce said before Steve had even crossed the threshold. 

The doctor was all angles, awkward and nervous and shrunken as he sat on a stool in his lab and fiddled with things aimlessly. 

“We need to make a decision” Steve said cautiously. He was never quite sure of the difference between ‘I’m tired and I can’t be bothered talking to you right now’ and ‘This is putting me on the edge, one more step and you won’t be talking to the mild mannered doctor anymore.’ 

“So make a decision and we’ll go with that” Banner replied quickly, his leg jangling restlessly. 

“You’ll support whatever decision I make?” Steve questioned, surprised Bruce was even willing to consider the possibility. 

“Look, I think the guy’s an asshole, and a psycho, and quite possibly evil in a way humans can’t even really understand, and I’m not exactly relishing the thought of staring at him over my morning paper. But…” Bruce shrugged and a little of the tension left his shoulders. “I could see what he was saying. The people who tell me I’m a monster, I… I don’t ever want to be one of those people. But honestly… Mostly I just don’t want to discuss this with you Steve. It’s itchy and prickly and uncomfortable, and it’s all about too many things I don’t want to think about. So if you say yes, then yeah, sure, whatever.” 

The restless leg was back, so even though Steve wanted to push a little, to make sure Bruce really knew what he was saying, Steve didn’t say anything. Just nodded and turned on his heel, leaving the way he’d came and not allowing himself time to examine that conversation. 

_Two down._

* * *

His footsteps were echoing loudly on the polished floor as he approached Clint’s room, but he was brought up short when he heard voices coming from inside. Slowing, he tried to catch what was being said without making it too painfully obvious he was eavesdropping. 

“I understand sir, but…” That was Clint. Who would he be calling sir? 

“Hawkeye’s well aware of that sir, but if you’d just…” Natasha. Apparently talking to the same person. 

Steve narrowed his eyes and hurried his steps, rapping loudly on the door and listening as the two agents abruptly cut off their three-way conversation with a brief “Cap’s here, gotta go” from Clint. 

The door swung open and Natasha was suddenly standing right in the doorway, doing an impressive job of blocking the entire thing for a woman of her size. 

“Natasha” Steve nodded to Clint over her shoulder. “Clint. I’m here to…” 

“Cap, it’s pretty obvious why you’re here” Natasha said. Her voice was never loud, or angry, but Steve could always read the subtext in it no problem. “We know. Loki’s joining the team. Fine with us.” 

Nothing about her betrayed a single emotion beyond calm professionalism, but Steve couldn’t help his frown as he thought of the conversation he’d interrupted. 

“It’s not decided, we’re deciding as a team…” Steve started in what he hoped was a stern but reassuring voice. 

“And team members Barton and Romanov vote yes” Natasha interrupted. 

Steve grit his teeth a little. He wanted this, and he hadn’t been sure if he was going to get it, but now they’d agreed it left a foul taste in his mouth. 

“You know you don’t have to…” 

“I know you think this chivalrous gentleman from the past act is charming and all, but we don’t need it. We’ve voted yes, that’s all.” 

That stung a little if Steve was honest, but he saw it for what it was, a dismissal. He nodded tightly and cast a brief look at Clint before stalking down the hall, his chest a little tight as he left the last two obstacles in his way behind. 

They’d agreed, but Steve couldn’t manage to convince himself it had been a success. Tony had agreed because he felt guilty and couldn’t help but believe the worst things people said about him; Bruce had agreed because he didn’t want to risk an incident over an argument with Steve; Clint and Natasha had agreed because they’d been ordered to; and Steve couldn’t shake the feeling he’d bullied his team into accepting an idea and a potential comrade they loathed. 

He wondered if it could ever really work when so few of them wanted Loki there. Steve grimaced and admitted to himself quietly that it could be, in fact probably would be, a total disaster. But he’d pushed for this. He’d wanted this, and he told himself he wanted it still, and as he made his way back to the conference room to talk to Thor, he straightened his spine and squared his shoulders. 

Loki was coming. 


	2. Common Ground, Crumbling Beneath Our Feet

When the team, or most of the team, was assembled waiting for Loki’s arrival, Steve couldn’t pretend he didn’t have his doubts. Huge, gnawing doubts that clawed at his insides and had had him waking up in cold sweats some nights. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the whole thing was doomed from the beginning. He sighed and tried to shove down the nerves that threatened to choke him, shifting his stance for what felt like the umpteenth time and wishing things would hurry up. 

There’d been ridiculous bickering about where they should meet, some arguing the original Bifrost site in New Mexico with others insisting travelling all that way was pointless and if Asgard could find a way to master inter-space travel it could surely choose an arrival point that wasn’t so remote. It had gone back and forth over and over so many times that Steve stopped keeping track, resolving to simply go where he was told and leave the endless arguing to others. 

Standing under the blistering New Mexico sun Steve was wishing he’d taken a more active role in the debate. He suspected arguing with Thor had eventually worn down all opposition and he could blame Thor’s relentless and implacable debating style for his current discomfort. The heat was almost unbearable under his suit and he was sure his face was bright red and shining with sweat. He could feel rivulets running down his cheeks and his neck. He squinted around at his teammates to see if he was suffering alone. 

Despite both being clad in skin-tight black, Clint and Natasha seemed completely unaffected. Steve narrowed his eyes to try and catch a glint of sweat on their skin but there was nothing. They seemed as cool and collected as they ever had and Steve shrugged his shoulders a little, trying to standing straighter and ignore the tickling feeling of sweat dripping down his back. 

Bruce wasn’t there, by choice or by order Steve still wasn’t sure, Fury played his cards pretty close to the chest but Steve thought it was for the best either way. Steve felt on edge enough to wonder if given the proper provocation he might just lose it and change into some hulking monster. He found himself idly wondering what colour he’d be, deciding if he had a choice he’d be blue before rousing himself with a shake of his head and hoping his expression hadn’t been as vacant as his thoughts. 

Thor was the same as he ever was and Steve wondered briefly as his eyes ran over the vast expanse of leather and metal and _cape_ that made up Thor’s ensemble if gods could suffer from heat stroke. Even looking at what must have been 20 pounds of armour was making Steve feel a little faint. Before glancing away, Steve looked up at Thor’s face and winced a little. Never one to hide his feelings, for lack of trying or lack of skill Steve could never really decide, Thor’s expression was a symphony of nerves. He looked almost ready to break, and for a man, or a god, who always seemed so _confident_ it was an unfamiliar look. Looking away, Steve glanced back to the spot where Loki was supposed to be appearing. 

“He’s late” he heard Tony mutter mutinously behind him and he spared the engineer a glare. 

He knew the Avengers weren’t soldiers, not really, but sometimes he found himself wishing there was a little more respect for the chain of command, a little more putting up and shutting up. It was a feeling he primarily associated with his dealings with Tony but his grimace when it came had at least the hint of a smile in it. Tony was… Tony. That was all, and Steve had long ago stopped wishing he were any different. 

Tony didn’t say another word but Steve was sure that under the expressionless Iron Man mask he was showing his frustration. The trickle of sweat making its way down Steve’s spine wasn’t helping him pretend he didn’t share the sentiment. 

Loki _was_ late.

He couldn’t believe it was on purpose, this entire thing was a huge coup to begin with and had been hard won. Loki wouldn’t throw it away with a show of petty power, he was sure of that, but he couldn’t help his mind wandering towards all the ways it could have gone wrong. An endless stream of what-ifs paraded through his mind and with each passing minute he found himself convinced of more and more outlandish scenarios. 

Just as he was trying to assure himself that the repaired Bifrost probably hadn’t malfunctioned and thrown their expected guest into the emptiness of space, an unfamiliar sound ripped through the landscape. 

Steve could feel it in his bones, rattling through his teeth and through his armour, through his viscera and penetrating everything inside of him. He clenched his jaw to stop his mouth from falling open in astonishment as he stared at the tunnel of light and smoke before him. He peered intently at the bottom of the column, trying to catch a glimpse of whom they were here waiting for. 

He caught sight of a tall figure at the centre of the maelstrom and his stomach flipped. Loki was here. This was really happening. Squaring his shoulders and straightening up, Steve moved forward, as just as quickly as it had appeared the light show was gone, leaving only the figure of Loki standing alone in its wake. 

_Now for the hard part,_ Steve thought as he made his way towards Loki, a little shocked it had actually happened at all. _Loki... Here we go._

* * *

Steve couldn’t suppress a little sigh of relief when he could finally slip into one of the seemingly infinite number of anonymous vehicles and feel the air conditioning against his skin. He could feel the sweat cooling where his skin was exposed, but he was still stifled under his suit and longed to strip it off and stand under a cold shower for an hour maybe. 

Creature comforts would have to wait though. As the driving force behind accepting Loki as a… Whatever the opposite of enemy combatant was, Steve had been shoved unceremoniously in Loki’s vehicle, along with Thor and the driver. He’d been puzzled as to why Thor wouldn’t simply fly and why Loki wouldn’t simply… Disappear, if he could, but as with so many other aspects of this mission, Steve had abandoned his curiosity in favour of blank acceptance. He had too many genuine concerns to go borrowing trouble wondering about every petty decision and why it had been made. 

Steve kept his eyes trained forwards but he couldn’t block out the solid presence of Loki in his peripheral vision. Steve had been a little startled, and to his eternal embarrassment had actually blushed, when Loki had hissed Thor away from sharing the backseat with him. Steve had shuffled in with a mumbled apology to Thor that was met with a dejected shrug, the blonde god presumably used to rejection. 

The silence was oppressive and Steve found himself wishing someone would turn on the radio, even the inanities of a DJ or the undifferentiated noise that seemed to make up 21st century music would be preferable to nothing. He wanted to shift in his seat, the tension in his muscles almost painful now he was in repose. 

He forced himself to sit still and counted the minutes until they arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hastily assembled, but still impressive to Steve at least, field station. The rest of the ride passed in silence, bar a few abortive attempts by Thor to start conversation with Loki. Loki’s sneering dismissals were making Steve even more nervous. If this was how he treated everyone, this ceasefire would last all of about two minutes. Steve sighed inwardly as another of Thor’s attempts was shot down in flames. _Nothing’s ever easy._

* * *

The meeting went about as well as Steve had expected. Which is to say it was tense and awkward and the exact opposite of enjoyable for everyone present. Steve could almost _hear_ Clint’s teeth grinding from across the room and Natasha’s glare was close to making Steve shudder and it wasn’t even directed at him. Thor simply stared with an intensity that made everyone uncomfortable and made Steve wonder how close the brotherly bond had really been. Tony was in constant motion, snarling sarcastic remarks before sitting back and fiddling distractedly with his phone, ignoring the lot of them. 

Loki, for his part, simply sat, and Steve clung to his feeling of grudging admiration. There was something commendable in such unflappable stoicism in the face of what Steve couldn’t deny was undisguised loathing. It was the first admirable quality Steve had ever seen in Loki and he focused on thoughts of how valuable that was and how useful it could be in the future. If the rest of the team could stop glaring long enough to work with Loki at all. 

“Alright, boys and girls” Fury’s voice cut a swathe through the posturing that was going on around the table and everyone leaned back a little apart from Tony, who only affected an even more bored expression as he looked at his phone. 

“You all know why you’re here. If you didn’t, I can only assume Prince Charming over there would be riddled with arrows, bullets, sporting some burn marks, and there’d be a lot less glaring and a lot more yelling.” 

Clint’s eyes had lit up at the mention of Loki being arrow riddled and though Natasha’s expression didn’t change, Steve thought it wasn’t too much of an assumption to think the two assassins were sharing a fairly bloody mental image. Steve glanced at Loki and again reminded himself how good he was at maintaining his calm. The god looked as mild as anyone Steve had ever seen, but Steve caught a glimpse of Thor’s pained expression and wondered if this was simply the calm before the storm.

“Now” Fury’s voice cracked like a whip and the eager grin dropped from Clint’s face. “I realise that some of you are not filled with joy at this arrangement. Well, I have some words of comfort: Suck it up. If you don’t like it, there’s the door. And I would remind you all” and Fury’s single eye travelled over all of them with an uneasy intensity, “that each and every one of you _agreed_ to this. Too late to back out now.” 

Steve struggled to keep the frown off his face. He still couldn’t figure out Fury’s endgame in all of this. Obviously he’d made some sort of deal with Loki, the director wasn’t a man to give people the benefit of the doubt unless there was something in it for him. He remembered the conversation he’d overheard and wondered just how deep Clint and Natasha’s loyalty went. 

“As for the day to day, well, mostly that’ll be up to you. Loki is an Avenger in all but name, we’re still… Working out a public relations strategy. But Mr. Stark has generously volunteered living quarters at Avengers Tower, so you’ll all be one happy family living under the same roof.” 

Steve watched Tony’s jaw clench at ‘volunteered’ and could almost hear the suppressed hisses at ‘family’ but so far no one had said anything outright. This simmering resentment wasn’t going to last, and Steve didn’t want it to. Grievances that went unexpressed for too long always ended up blowing up, and Steve quietly hoped that once they got back to New York they could maybe have it out before their first real outing as a team. If each of the team was still harbouring hatred towards Loki when they had a genuine threat to fight, Steve knew it wouldn’t only be Loki getting hurt. 

Steve felt his shoulders droop a little and had trouble remembering why he’d thought this was a good idea in the first place. There’d just been something so _stirring_ about Loki’s words, something that called to Steve that he couldn’t have ignored even if he’d wanted to. But sitting in a room with three seething teammates, one anxious and depressed teammate, and one possibly insane teammate-to-be who had yet to speak… Steve found himself eager for another of Loki’s speeches and glanced towards the god hopefully, but he was still and blank as ever. 

Fury was wrapping up, or maybe he’d already finished speaking, Steve was becoming better and better at tuning the director out. The others were glancing around the room, unsure about what was going to happen now. Would Loki fly with them? With Thor? Steve had a brief mental flash of Loki throwing his arms around Thor’s neck while Thor wrapped an arm around Loki’s waist and Steve had to his head to hide his blush. Probably the less he thought about Thor and Loki the better. 

“So… In addition to putting a roof over your head, feeding you, clothing you probably because can I just say you look _ridiculous,_ am I also expected to provide transport? While I’m catering for your every whim, would you like some warm milk and a lullaby to send you off to sleep?” Tony wasn’t even looking at Loki as he spoke, his eyes still half occupied with his phone. 

Steve sighed and drew a breath to start his lecture on how all team members needed to treat each other with respect when Loki spoke, surprising him. 

“Not at all, Stark” Loki’s voice was smooth as silk and again Steve wished he’d make another little speech. “As you say, your generosity has already exceeded expectations. I can make my own way to your Tower.” 

They all stared a little sceptically, and Thor’s frown was deepening by the second. Did Loki really know how far away New York was? 

“Brother, the distance is great…” 

“I am well aware of the distance _brother”_ and from Loki ‘brother’ sounded like a curse, “and I assure you, I can make my own way.” 

Loki seemed annoyed Thor had questioned him, so Steve’s own doubts died on his tongue. He wanted to ask how he’d get in, if he knew what street it was on, if he knew when to arrive to give them enough time to get back and turn off the security, but he knew any of those questions would be met with derision. Whether or not Loki knew what he was doing remained to be seen, but he was part of the team now. Tony, Clint, and Natasha were on their feet immediately, leaving the room without a backwards glance. Steve sighed and turned to Loki. 

“They’ll come around” he said, his voice sounding hollowly cheerful even to himself and he grimaced a little at the triteness of the statement. 

“Will they just?” Loki seemed more amused than annoyed though and Steve returned his small smile, but he couldn’t help but note Loki’s smile was more than a little predatory. 

Steve shrugged. “Sure. You have to believe that, right? Otherwise, what’s the point?” 

Loki outright laughed at that and his smile when it returned was more genuine. “It must be delightful to see the world through your eyes Captain” he said, a tone of bemusement in his voice. 

As unsure of Loki as Loki was of him, Steve just smiled lightly and nodded. “Well, see you in New York I guess” he said as he stood up, holding out a hand to shake even as he questioned the gesture and wondered if this was going to make him look like an idiot. Loki seemed a little surprised, but not annoyed or amused. He stood as well, gripping Steve’s hand firmly in his own and shaking it a little unsurely. Steve couldn’t help but notice how cool his hand was and held back a frown. 

With one final nod, he let go of Loki’s hand, nodded to Thor, and made his way to the exit. 

* * *

Somehow, it had worked. Steve still wasn’t sure exactly how he’d done it, or how he’d known when they got back, the possibility of a spying god in their midst a little unsettling, but less than an hour after they arrived back to Avengers’ Tower, Loki had appeared. As in, appeared, seemingly out of thin air, startling Steve and sending Clint into a coiled crouch that looked a few seconds from becoming lethal. 

“I am here” Loki had announced somewhat unnecessarily. 

“Tony” Steve had said in a warning tone as the engineer opened his mouth to say something snarky. On the way back he’d tried to encourage the others to at least give Loki a chance. He’d reminded Clint and Natasha they’d agreed to it, that they’d insisted to Steve they were fine with it. He knew Fury had pressured them into it, but if they were willing to let Fury pull their strings, he wouldn’t have them taking their frustration out on Loki. The strangeness of defending the god against his teammates wasn’t lost on Steve, and he found himself fervently hoping things would get better quickly. Steve had asked Tony to try for Steve’s sake, and while he thought it was a pretty weak strategy, it had worked a little and when Tony rolled his eyes Steve knew the other man would at least try. 

“Right” the sarcasm Tony wasn’t allowed to express seemed to be trying to escape in his tone and every word was sneered. “So, welcome to your new home. Steve’ll show you to your room, because I’m sure as hell…” Tony trailed off when Steve shook his head, and rolled his eyes before continuing, “I mean, I’m busy as hell and Cap has nothing but time. He might not be able to help you with the more modern features, but if you have any questions you can ask me, or JARVIS.” 

It looked painful for Tony to say Loki could ask him anything, and even after he finished speaking his jaw still looked a little like it wanted to dislocate itself and start a new life elsewhere. 

Loki nodded thoughtfully before asking “JARVIS?” in a querying tone. The smirk that brought to Tony’s lips was vicious and Steve took the opportunity to interrupt. 

“I can explain about JARVIS” Steve said firmly and, ignoring Tony’s mutter of “No you can’t”, motioned for Loki to follow him to his room. He glanced back a few times to make sure Loki was following him. 

“I think maybe you already know this, but we each have our own floor” Steve said, turning his head a little as he walked to make sure Loki heard him. “But seeing as you’re… New, you don’t have one yet. Tony was going to put you on Thor’s floor…” 

“Yes, Thor already presented the idea to me but I found it… Untenable. I trust other arrangements have been made?” 

Steve found that a little entitled, but wondered what else he should expect from a prince and a god and didn’t say anything except “Yes, other arrangements have been made.” 

He didn’t mention that the ‘other arrangements’ were Loki living on _his_ floor. Steve had balked at the suggestion initially, but realised quickly he didn’t have a leg to stand on. He’d pushed for this, was the only one of them besides Thor who really wanted it, and Thor was out. So he’d squared his jaw and nodded to Tony, pretending that the little voice inside him screaming how bad an idea was mute. Loki would find out soon enough they were going to be neighbours. 

They arrived on Steve’s floor and Steve pointed out the amenities, the small living area, the kitchenette, before trailing down the hallway to the bedrooms. 

“This” Steve said with a jerk of his thumb, “is my room. I don’t know if you’ve ever lived with anyone before, but don’t come in without knocking, don’t go in when I’m not there. Common sense stuff really.” 

Did common sense apply to gods? Every second sentence out of Steve’s mouth made him feel moronic, but he didn’t know what else to say so resigned himself to the fact the feeling would be staying. Loki barely seemed to notice anyway, simply nodding and occasionally humming in agreement. 

They continued down the hall to the room Tony’s contractors had set up for Loki. Tony had suggested metal bars or bulletproof glass, but under Steve’s disapproving glare had told them to kit it out like all the others. It probably wouldn’t be permanent anyway, once Loki had been part of the team for long enough he’d get his own floor. Steve felt proud of himself for that little burst of optimism and his description of the bedroom and bathroom was unusually cheerful. 

Loki’s eyes were quick, darting around the room and taking in everything. Steve had a feeling that if asked, Loki could name every single thing in the room and started wondering what other skills the god possessed. 

“JARVIS?” Loki asked, his first question since arriving on Steve’s floor. 

“Oh, right, JARVIS. He’s the Tower’s A.I.” and as always, Steve said ‘A.I.’ carefully, the initials still a little unfamiliar. Loki looked as confused as before so Steve elaborated. “Artificial Intelligence. He’s basically a really smart computer Tony designed that runs the house and Tony’s life. He… It… Sort of… Lives in the ceiling.” 

Steve winced a little at that explanation, and Loki seemed equally unimpressed if the look on his face was anything to go by, but he only nodded and said “I see.” 

Steve had said ‘I see’ when he really didn’t see, had no idea, couldn’t have been more confused, enough times that he wanted to explain further, but the memory of Loki’s snarling at Thor stopped him. Loki was proud, and Steve didn’t want to embarrass him. He’d figure it out, and as long as he was by himself when he freaked out at JARVIS speaking to him from the ceiling, Steve figured it wouldn’t matter. 

“Thank you for your assistance Captain” Loki said as his eyes swept up to meet Steve’s own. “I believe I will bathe now.” 

It was a pretty obvious dismissal and even though Steve hesitated to leave, he couldn’t really think of anything else to say. He nodded and smiled a little uncertainly and left, hovering for a moment outside the closed door before rousing himself and making his way towards his kitchenette. 

* * *

Steve was perched on a stool in the kitchen, a sandwich poised halfway to his mouth, when JARVIS spoke from above him. 

“Captain Rogers” JARVIS sounded anxious and not the for the first time, Steve marvelled at how Tony could create a machine that was capable of sounding _anxious._

“Yes, JARVIS?” he asked, wondering what it could be. 

“Mr. Laufeyson requires your assistance” JARVIS still sounded worried but Steve just sat blankly for a few moments, wondering who on earth Mr. Laufeyson was, before he cursed himself and jumped up, dumping his stool on the floor in his hurry. Without pausing to ask JARVIS what was wrong, Steve raced down the hallway to Loki’s room.

He barrelled in, saw the bedroom was empty, and moved quickly into the bathroom, not stopping to knock. He opened the door and immediately averted his eyes with a blush. Sprawled naked on the bathroom floor lay Loki, dripping wet and body tensed in what looked like pain. Annoyed at himself for blushing and looking away, Steve knelt down and leant over Loki. The god’s face was contorted and Steve wondered what could have happened.

“Loki? Loki, can you hear me?” Steve asked, reaching out to touch Loki’s shoulder gently. 

“Of course I can hear you” Loki snapped and Steve drew back a little, reminded of the sneering, arrogant creature he’d fought in Stuttgart and realising how much of an effort Loki had been making today and when he’d first appeared to them. 

“Are you hurt?” 

“Heavens above” Loki muttered. “Of course I am hurt, why else would I be lying on the floor naked in your presence?” 

“Okay, stupid question” Steve admitted, still a little uneasy with Loki returning so quickly to snappish form. “How are you hurt?”

“I… I cannot get up. It would appear I…” and Steve had to hide his grin at Loki actually blushing slightly. ”It would appear I over exerted myself.” 

That made sense, now Steve thought about it. He’d wondered at Thor questioning Loki making his own way to New York, and now it seemed the thunder god had been right. Cross-country travel the day after arriving was too much. 

“Okay. And you need my help to get up?” 

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say and Loki’s already tensed muscles tightened a little further. 

“I would have recovered eventually if that wretched machine had not interfered” Loki snarled and his mouth seemed to spit out ‘machine’ like it was something distasteful. 

“So…”

“So, Captain Rogers, it informed me it insisted on calling one of you for assistance and asked if I had a preference.”

“So…” Steve started again and this time his voice was soft, which seemed again to be the wrong call. 

“So, _so_ is that all you can stutter out? _So_ out of your band of freaks and cretins, you are the least objectionable, and the closest, for this particular task. Congratulations” Loki hissed. 

Steve clenched his jaw and had to fight the urge telling him to slug Loki right in his spiteful mouth or leave him there in agony. 

“I know you’re in pain right now, and that you’re not exactly a ray of sunshine even when you aren’t, but don’t speak to me like that again. Or I’ll leave and JARVIS will call someone else.” 

Steve considered it for a moment. “Probably Thor.” 

Steve watched closely as a muscle jumped in Loki’s jaw. He wasn’t sure what he was struggling with, but boy, did it look like a struggle. 

“I am…” he began, halting and all but gnashing his teeth. 

“Maybe it’s just best that you don’t talk, seeing as a simple apology seems too much for you” Steve suggested and without waiting for the god to reply, bent down to wrap an arm around his prone form. 

“Tell me if I hurt you” Steve grunted into Loki’s ear. He hoisted the god up but stilled when a cry tore from Loki’s lips. 

“You ok?” Steve asked. He actually _heard_ Loki clench his teeth before replying stiltedly. 

“It hurts some, but please, do not stop. Having to endure this again will only make matters worse.” 

Steve wasn’t sure if Loki was talking about the supposed indignity of accepting help, of being naked, or of the actual act of being hauled out of the bathroom itself, but he supposed it didn’t matter much either way. He moved as quickly as he thought he should into Loki’s bedroom and deposited the god onto the bed with as much care as he could muster. 

When Loki was lying sprawled on the bed, muscles coiled in pain, Steve blushed again. He looked at Loki’s face but the tension in his muscles and his tightly closed eyes made Steve think he wasn’t about to be getting his own clothes or hopping under the sheets anytime soon. 

“Do you… Do you want me to get you any clothes or anything? Are you cold?” 

“I do not need to be dressed like a child” Loki snapped and that was it, Steve was done. 

“Fine, just lie here naked then, see what I care. Heck, I might as well go tell Tony to check in on your video feed for a free show” he snapped back, feeling bad the second the words were out of his mouth but unwilling to take them back or apologise. 

His hand was on the door handle when Loki called out. 

“Wait! Captain, please.” 

The plaintive tone in Loki’s voice gave Steve pause and he couldn’t help but turn around even as he questioned why he was such a sucker. 

“I am sorry” Loki huffed out. 

Steve raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Please stop, this gushing apology is going to make me blush” Steve replied and Loki smiled a little. 

“Sarcasm, Captain I didn’t think you had it in you.” 

“Well then you’ve got more in common with Tony than you think.”

“What a horrifying thought” Loki murmured but there was a slight smile on his lips. “But… I am sorry. I have never handled pain well and it never fails to make me lash out. Thank you for your assistance.” 

The words were sincere and even if the tone was grudging, Steve was just happy he’d bothered at all. He didn’t really have anymore to say and the apology had obviously made Loki a little uncomfortable so he just nodded and turned back to the door, throwing “You’re welcome” over his shoulder as he made to leave the room before Loki’s voice stopped him.

“You’re out of place here too” Loki said. 

The tone of his voice was suddenly soft and mournful and Steve was sure he was trying to find some common ground, but Steve wanted to tell him to try again. This wasn’t their common ground, it couldn’t be, already Steve could feel it crumbling beneath them. 

Steve turned back to face Loki and fidgeted awkwardly. 

“No, I’m not” he replied firmly, hoping that would be the end of it. 

“Yes, yes you are” Loki shot back and he seemed almost eager now, eager to prove that Steve was just as much of an outsider as he was. 

“Loki, I…” 

“You don’t belong in this century, in this time. Everything is too different, too fast, too unfamiliar, too crude. What you are, _who you are_ does not belong here. They love you because you remind them of when they were righteous, but they need you to be a symbol, not a man. You are nostalgia and nothing more.” 

Steve didn’t want to listen and especially didn’t want to care, but Loki’s words felt like they were seeping into his pores, between his ligaments and through his synapses. Every fear he’d had, every missed reference, every time he had turned to see Tony flying or Bruce changing, he’d questioned. _Why do they need me?_

“You’re like me…”

“Hey, no, I’m not” Steve snapped as he tuned back into Loki’s speech. 

The god jerked his head a little bit at the tone and Steve couldn’t help but wonder what Loki had expected. Did Loki want Steve to feel flattered by the comparison? 

The god’s expression changed, his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting. When Loki spoke again, the mournful tone was gone and so was the eagerness, replaced by the familiar sneering bitterness. 

“Do not fret Captain, I did not mean you are _evil_ like me. How could you be? You are a war hero, a paragon of virtue, a god amongst men” and his voice was mean and hard on ‘god’ and Steve winced just a little bit. 

“I was not comparing our qualities Captain, I would never seek to elevate myself so” and Steve thought he’d never actually heard venom dripping from words like this before, “I was simply noting that we are both adrift on unfamiliar seas. But now I see my error. I am damned even amongst the damned.” 

“What? No, Loki I just…” 

“I will bother you no further” Loki hissed and let his head fall back to the pillow, glaring up at the ceiling as though it was the source of all his woes. 

“Loki…” Steve began, wanting to mend this before Loki had a chance to lie alone and obsess over it, but he felt a strong pull at the small of his back. Shaking his head a little, he tried to ignore it and stepped forward closer to Loki, but the pull was back and stronger this time. He felt nauseous as he tried to resist it, like his insides were being compressed, and after a few abortive attempts he gave in and let it hook him bodily from the room. The door slammed in front of his face and he was left alone in the hallway, wracked by guilt. 

“Damn it” he sighed to himself. 

_Nothing's ever easy._


	3. Thrown to the Wolves

Steve knew he wasn’t imagining it. The first few mornings he’d put it down to the change of the seasons, ignoring the one remaining sensible part of his brain that told him the Tower was climate controlled and JARVIS would never let the temperature slip even a degree from where Steve had set it. 

When the season explanation had gone stale even to himself, Steve decided it had something to do with the ice. The doctors had talked about trauma flashbacks and something called PTSD they just couldn’t stop mentioning. He must have been imagining the cold. 

But he wasn’t having any more nightmares than usual and he never thought about the ice when he was awake really, just the cold. The cold never followed him outside his own walls, just lingered in his bones when he sat around his own floor. 

He thought about taking it to the others, asking them if they felt it on their floors or if it was just his, asking them to come down and assure him he wasn’t going crazy. But Steve did neither. He knew why the air was so cold, why he could see his breath in the mornings and why the hairs on the back of his neck shot up when he walked past Loki’s room. He knew, he just didn’t want to admit it.

Loki. 

Loki knew. Steve felt a little chill that had nothing to do with the temperature when he wondered how much Loki knew. Did Loki know where Steve had lay, unconscious and undiscovered for decades? Did he know about the endless ice that had surrounded Steve, encased him, snatched him into its embrace and refused to let go? Was Loki so cruel? 

Steve knew the answer to that question as well. Since their disastrous fight when Loki had first moved in, the god had been scarce. Steve had hardly seen him, except when the mood struck and Loki emerged, shooting poisoned words at Thor over team meals before scuttling back to Steve’s floor. 

Sometimes the others tried to intervene, but they were inevitably told to butt out by Thor and Steve always backed him up. The things Loki said made Steve cringe, but it wasn’t their place to interfere. 

But with every passing day that Loki was either a no-show or a spiteful, if brief, presence, Steve could feel the resentment growing. Fury hadn’t come round or contacted them since Loki had arrived and Steve was a little surprised to be left so completely to their own devices. 

Surely Fury knew Loki’s continued presence (heck, Loki’s continued _existence)_ was the result of intimidation on his part, and something Steve was loath to admit was a little too close to manipulation on Steve’s part. There was no love lost between Loki and any of them, except perhaps Thor and that was too complicated for Steve to even begin to understand. With no missions and nothing to do, the tower was a powder keg just waiting to go off. 

So Steve said nothing to his teammates about the bone-deep cold on his floor. He kept it to himself and stayed as civil as he could when he saw Loki. This entire scheme was on the verge of collapse, and Steve was desperate to hold it together. 

Steve wanted to think it was because he truly believed Loki could be redeemed, or because he couldn’t bear the thought of Thor leaving. And those were true, they were. But that wasn’t all. 

Steve didn’t want to admit defeat. Tony ribbed him about being perfect, a model citizen, but Steve was far from it. He was stubborn and mulish and he hated admitting he was wrong. He’d stick with this as long as he could, push it as far as it would go. He wanted to be right, so he said nothing. 

The cold seemed to spread, and he could see his breath, but he said nothing. 

* * *

Steve was lying on his back, neck aching from the tension that wouldn’t leave him. He’d tried to ignore it for so long, but like everything else he was trying to ignore, it hadn’t stopped and he knew he was inching closer to snapping. 

It had started maybe an hour before, noise filtering down the long hallway, through Steve’s closed door, and straight into his ears, with the enhanced hearing he’d never cursed until now. 

He hadn’t been able to place the sounds to start with but soon he caught words or phrases and his stomach had sank. Loki was watching films of him. Loki seemed to have started with the propaganda films Steve’d made when he was still schilling for Senator Brandt. Steve cringed to hear his voice delivering those cheesy lines with false cheer. 

Steve had sighed in relief when those had stopped, but then his voice had been replaced by a deep baritone narrating the exploits Captain America and how he was fighting the good fight in Europe. Steve’s heart had beat steadily every day since the serum had changed it, made it flawless, but now it felt like it was stuttering in his chest. 

He knew that newsreel. He knew what Loki was watching, knew what he’d be seeing. Peggy, just a little photo tucked into a battered compass, but laying bare everything he felt about her for Loki’s cold gaze to survey all the same. And Bucky. _Bucky._

Up on the screen, _alive,_ preserved even though he’d been dead not a year later. Steve still couldn’t watch the reels, couldn’t bear to see Bucky standing there at his side, like he had been all Steve’s life. 

Peggy and Bucky were personal, personal in a way the stupid propaganda films sold to an America desperate for something to believe in weren’t, and while the thought of Loki laughing at Steve in his tights had been irritating, it hadn’t been anything like this. 

Loki was prying into something even Steve couldn’t stand to look at too closely, lest he truly realise Peggy was gone and _Bucky_ was gone, and Steve should be gone with them. 

Steve lay there for a little longer, trying to ignore the boiling of his blood, until he couldn’t stand it for another second. He threw himself from his bed and hurtled down the hallway, lips drawn back in a snarl before he even came to Loki’s open door. 

Loki was lounging on his bed, eyes glued to the television mounted on the wall, and Steve had to clamp down on some uncharitable thoughts about Tony and his need to have at least one screen in every room. 

“Loki” Steve snapped, but Loki interrupted. 

“Ah, Captain, there you are. Ready for a little reminiscing, are you? About the ‘good old days?” Loki’s smile was knife sharp and even though Steve knew, truly knew, Loki was evil, it still hurt. 

“Loki, turn it off” Steve was proud of how even his voice was, he tried to hold onto that as his heart tried to break his ribcage. 

“Whatever for?!” Loki exclaimed, his grin turning nastier by the second. “We should be getting to know each other, roomie, and what better way than acquainting myself with your work?” 

Steve frowned at ‘roomie’ and wondered what the hell else Loki was watching in here. 

“Turn it off” Steve repeated, his voice less even that time. 

“I think not, Captain. I’m quite enjoying myself, who knew you had such attractive friends?” 

”Don’t talk about Peggy” Steve said sharply. Peggy was his, she was _his_ something for him alone. 

Steve’s frown deepened when Loki laughed. 

“I wasn’t talking about _Peggy,_ Captain” Loki sneered, and Steve bristled at the way he said Peggy, but Loki didn’t stop talking. “I was talking about your friend, your _friend.”_

Steve was still frowning, confused, but he could see Loki’s face lighting up and he knew whatever was coming wasn’t going to be good. Steve refused to bite. 

“Turn it off, Loki, I put up with too much of your crap. Turn it off, _now.”_

“Hmm…” Loki murmured, reaching up to tap his finger against his chin softly. “No. Not until you tell me about him.” 

“About who?” Steve asked bemusedly, slow to catch on in the face of his anger. 

Loki came forward on the bed and Steve could tell this was gonna be the punchline. 

_“Barnes”_ Loki hissed, triumphant. 

Steve’s jaw clenched and he started looking around the room for the remote. He couldn’t spot it anywhere so he walked towards the television and punched the off button with his finger. Nothing happened. 

Steve ground his teeth and tried to keep his eyes averted from the screen, lest he come face-to-face with the ghost he didn’t think he’d ever be able to look at head on. 

“Sensitive issue, Captain?” Loki singsonged from the bed. 

When Steve glanced at him the god was still leaning forward, looking excited. Steve tried to look around the back of the screen for the plug but it seemed to just disappear into the wall seamlessly. Steve huffed in frustration and drew what he hoped was a calming breath. 

“Turn. It. Off” Steve said slowly. 

“Tell me about your friend and I will,” Loki replied, gleeful in the face of Steve’s growing aggravation. 

“Loki, for pity’s sake…” 

“He was a handsome man, wasn’t he?” Loki asked and Steve froze. 

“What?” Steve asked dumbly, his thoughts scattered. He knew he should be ignoring Loki, focusing on getting the damned television off and leaving as quickly as he could, but he just stood there, pole axed. 

“Handsome. Attractive. Tell me, what colour were his eyes?” 

Steve didn’t know why that did it. Why that, more than anything, stopped him in his tracks and scattered his anger to the wind, only to be replaced by bitter, bitter regret. 

“They were blue” Steve whispered unconsciously. He wasn’t thinking about Loki anymore, he was thinking about blue eyes, and a wicked smile, and an endless fall. 

“Blue, hmm” Loki hummed and it sounded so wrong, so out of place, and Steve hadn’t let himself think about Bucky since they pried him from the ice. 

He shook himself a little and set his jaw. Loki was running his tongue over his teeth, pink against white, and Steve hated him for sullying this, sullying Bucky. 

He turned away from the god and stared at the television for a moment before striking out with a hand, embedding his fist in the wall beside the screen and grasping as tightly as he could to the edge before yanking. The television came tumbling down, shattering on the floor and sparking a little. 

Steve shook out his hand, plaster falling soundlessly to the floor, before stalking over to Loki and looming over the smirking god. 

“You think you can do what you want” and Loki’s leer was answer enough, so Steve reached out for a handful of Loki’s top and pulled him closer. _“You’re wrong._ You asked for this, you asked to be here. But I guess you don’t really have the guts for it. Well I’m done, you hear me, _I’m done._ This is it, your last chance. You ever mention him again, or Peggy, or any of it, and you’re gone.” 

Loki had stopped smirking, but now he looked murderous. Steve didn’t know what Loki had hoped to achieve with his little stunt, but whatever it was he didn’t seem to have gotten it. Steve let go and the god dropped onto his elbows on the bed, ungainly for once. 

“Picking on the weak doesn’t make you strong, Loki” Steve said as he stood in the doorway and he talked mostly to the hallway. 

Loki snorted in disbelief. “You are claiming weakness now?” 

Steve looked back into the room and locked eyes with Loki. “Everyone’s weak, in one way or another” Steve said bitterly, thinking of his grasping hand that just couldn’t reach far enough. Without waiting for an answer, he closed the door. 

Steve walked quickly back to his own room, shutting and locking the door before heading to the bathroom and repeating the process. He leant back against the door and slid down to the floor. Steve hadn’t had allergies or asthma in over 70 years, but as his eyes burned and his breathing faltered, he idly reflected it’d been easier to call himself a man when he had those to blame. 

* * *

The next week was hell for Steve. He knew he should’ve told the others. He should’ve told them the second Loki dropped the temperature, but he definitely should have told them Loki was using his dead and departed past to needle him. 

He should, but something stayed his hand. He didn’t understand it himself, not really. He had no love for Loki, and though he’d been willing to give the god the benefit of the doubt initially, that generosity was gone. 

Steve no longer really believed Loki could be an Avenger, and more than that, he no longer believed Loki _should be_ an Avenger. He’d been swayed by Loki’s argument about the dubious pasts of the rest of the team. But the others weren’t, well, assholes. 

They could be prickly (Clint), and infuriating (Tony, always), and standoffish (Natasha), and mysterious (Bruce), but Steve didn’t believe any of them hated him or wished him harm. Loki, well. Loki clearly did. 

Steve wasn’t arrogant enough to think Loki’s grudge was personal either. Loki must feel the same seething, red-hot anger towards all of them, and the realisation was sitting uncomfortably with Steve. Loki was dangerous, and even though Steve had known that all along, he knew he needed to tell the team, and Fury, it wasn’t going to work. 

But he didn’t. Steve did nothing. He avoided his floor, working out even more incessantly than usual and prompting Tony to ask if Loki wandered around in the nude and Steve was working out some sexual frustration. Twice as many punching bags had to be ordered that week. 

He ate every meal with the team and retreated to the common room until he fell asleep on the couch, sometimes waking hours later and trudging down to his floor and sometimes staying til morning. 

The others must have noticed, but none of them said anything. Steve knew they probably thought he was getting what was coming to him. He’d been the one to push for Loki to join the team, and even though the egotism of it sat uneasy with him, Steve knew Loki couldn’t have joined without his support. 

Steve knew he had to say something, but the words never passed his lips and he kept on sleeping on the common room couch under too many blankets, the others whispering to each other while he slumbered. 

* * *

“We have a mission for you” Hill’s voice was as monotonous and no nonsense as it ever had been, but the room was tense. 

The Avengers were ranged around the table but they weren’t even making a show of listening to the briefing. They were looking at Loki, and Steve, but mostly at Loki. Since Steve had made it his mission to avoid his own floor except for showers and a change of clothes, Loki’s presence in the tower had been nonexistent. No one had seen him for days, not even Steve on his brief excursions to his own floor. 

Now here he sat, amongst them, just like a real team member. Except he wasn’t, and he never would be, and Steve needed to say something. _Soon,_ he told himself. 

“What’s the mission?” Thor asked. 

When Steve had walked into the conference room he’d come close to flinching when his eyes landed on Thor. He’d seen little of the blonde god lately, but the toll of Loki’s stay was written across his face, in the set of his shoulders and the shadows under his eyes. 

Steve turned his attention back to Hill, who was answering Thor’s question in clipped tones. 

“We’ve had reports of unusual activity from this location,” she said as a map of New York state flashed up in the centre of the conference table. The map zeroed in on a small, forested area upstate and Steve leaned forward a little in his seat. “We don’t have much else to tell you.” 

Steve frowned a little. He was used to missions with little to go on, but this seemed even sketchier than usual. He wanted to ask why they were being sent in as the first response team, why some SHIELD grunts weren’t out scouring the wood as they spoke, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to phrase it without seeming… Well, arrogant. 

“Agent Hill…” he began hesitantly, but he got no further as Fury interrupted. 

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why you’re being sent on such a minor mission” Fury barked, eyeballing the team as he spoke. Steve could only assume this was sarcasm, as judging by their faces he was fairly sure the team wasn’t thinking much of anything beyond ‘I hate Loki, I hate Loki, I hate Loki.’ 

“Well, boys and girls, you need to get used to working with your newest teammate” Fury’s expression could only be described as pained, and his words were bitten out more than spoken. “So we’ve got this nice wee doddle for Loki’s first outing.” 

That was met with a stony silence and Steve knew what was coming next. The only question was, who was going to throw him under the bus first. No one spoke for a few beats, but when Tony spoke up, Steve couldn’t claim he was surprised. 

“You’re up, Cap” Tony said. 

When Steve glanced at his teammate, Tony’s expression rested somewhere between a sneer and a smirk. Steve suppressed a sigh. He probably had this coming to him. 

Recon was dull at the best of times, where 95% of the job was just waiting and watching the moon move across the sky. The only thing that made it bearable was the company. Having someone to talk to as they made their sweeps and kept an eye out for anything suspicious. Tony and Steve usually went together, but the sharp look on Tony’s face said he was still sore at Steve over the whole Loki thing. 

Steve couldn’t really blame him. It was beyond clear that the plan to include Loki on the team was the most hare-brained scheme he’d ever heard. He still felt a little stunned he’d agreed to it. Not just agreed, but had fought for it. Had convinced the rest of the team to go along with it. 

Maybe he should’ve taken Tony’s jokes about the damage freezing did to brain cells more seriously. Maybe he should stick to replying to his fanmail and working out. 

Steve sighed. “Sure, I’ll go. But that doesn’t mean the rest of you are off the hook, while we’re gone…” 

Tony interrupted, a serrated tone in his voice. “Sorry Cap, prior engagement, you know how it goes. Or, I guess, you don’t. Heh. Either way.” 

With that, Tony was up and out, sauntering out of the room as he always did, but with a stiff cast to his shoulders. 

Steve sighed again and looked down at the table. He felt like he’d lost something. The moment he’d asked his team to hear Loki out, the moment he’d sought them out and asked for their support, something had changed. 

Clint and Natasha were professional enough that the change wasn’t noticeable, and Bruce was so scarce Steve hadn’t seen him at all, but Tony was about as far from professional as any one man could get and the frosty silences and barbed comments were getting to Steve. 

Steve _liked_ Tony. He liked Tony, and Clint, and Natasha, and Bruce, and he couldn’t help but wonder if they still liked him. 

Hill was speaking, giving them a few more details on what they were looking for, before she left a debriefing pack on the table and left after Fury. Steve barely wasted a glance on either of them. 

He sighed again and squared his shoulders, aware the room had emptied except for himself, Thor, and Loki. He was Captain America. It shouldn’t matter if his team liked him. 

Steve spoke, trying to remember when this felt as natural as breathing. 

“Right. This is your first trip out, so follow my lead, and my orders. Recon is usually pretty boring, but in case it isn’t, I need to know I can rely on you” Steve wondered how obvious it was he didn’t believe for a second he could rely on Loki. 

It must’ve been pretty obvious. Steve’s words were met with silence and an ever so slightly raised eyebrow from Loki. Steve huffed, about ready to call an end to this charade once and for all, when Thor spoke. 

“Did you hear the good Captain, Loki?” 

Steve didn’t think he’d ever get used to the difference in Thor’s voice when he spoke to his brother. It was quieter, as though Thor was trying his very best to modulate himself, to tone down anything that might irritate Loki. 

Steve couldn’t imagine why Thor bothered really. Loki still glared daggers at him, whether his voice was booming, or quiet and soft. 

“My hearing is fine” Loki replied with a snap. “And I, of course, will follow any directives from our fearless leader, to the letter. Please, don’t let my outer demeanour fool you. I am truly overcome at the thought of venturing forth as an _Avenger_ for the first time.” 

Loki’s grin was sharp, just like everything else about him, and Steve suppressed another sigh. There were other things Steve wanted to say, would say if he were heading out with anyone but Loki. He’d lay out a plan, a strategy, even for something as routine as recon, but with Loki Steve just didn’t have the energy. 

“I’ll see you at 2100 then” Steve said instead, offering Thor a nod and Loki not so much as a glance as he got up and left the room. 

Outside, his chest felt leaden. The Avengers were broken, and Steve couldn’t shake the feeling he was the one responsible. He wanted to blame Fury and his Machiavellian scheming, he wanted to blame Thor and the possibility of losing him, and most of all he wanted to blame Loki, for asking for something he clearly never really wanted. 

But those were all excuses, easy ways out, and Steve’d never taken the easy way out in his life. This was on him, and he couldn’t help but hope the mission was a disaster and when he came back, Loki would be off the team and the others would smile at him again. 

* * *

So far, so dull. Loki and Steve had been scouring the woods for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably more like a few hours. Steve found himself gloomily wondering if Loki had stopped time as some sort of perverse punishment. Although Steve wasn’t vain enough to think being stuck in limbo with him would make it worthwhile for Loki. 

There seemed to be nothing happening. They’d taken the quinjet out here, to upstate New York. The details they’d been given were sketchy, reports of suspicious activity and strange lights and noises about all they had to go on. 

It felt… Eerie. Steve had never been comfortable in the woods, too used to Brooklyn and all the people and grime and noise that came with it. The woods were Germany and Austria and being oceans away from home, fighting a war he was terrified they wouldn’t win. 

It seemed too quiet, silent as the grave, and Steve shifted his weight uncomfortably, sure there should be more noise in the great outdoors. His contemplation was interrupted by Loki’s sneering voice from behind him. 

“This is pointless” the god huffed irritably. 

Steve looked back slightly, “This is being an Avenger. It’s not all guts and glory, sometimes its grunt work and yeah, sometimes that’s boring.” 

Steve turned back around and began inching forward again, still wondering at the silence around them. 

Loki scoffed, “Captain, if this were of any importance, I can assure you your precious director would not have sent _me.”_

Steve paused for a moment.

“The director fought for you to join the team” Steve said mildly, curious to see whether Loki would reveal anything of why Fury had been so keen on him joining. 

“That means nothing” Loki said dismissively and then fell silent. So much for that plan, then. 

“Loki…” Steve started, unsure even as he was speaking why he was bothering. This was headed nowhere fast. 

“The only reason your precious director wanted me on the team is because of Thor. As it ever was and ever shall be, that wretch controls my life” Loki muttered. 

Steve was surprised, surprised that Loki was speaking about himself or Thor at all, and surprised Loki seemed to think Thor was behind Fury’s support. Steve was sure there was more to it. 

“It was always this way” Loki continued and he seemed faraway. On other worlds perhaps, and Steve could barely get his head around that at the best of times. “Thor was always favoured. The favoured son, the favoured prince, the favoured warrior.” 

“I don’t believe that” Steve said softly, but firmly. 

“That does not stop it from being true, Captain” Loki’s voice was soft as well, but it was so sorrowful Steve wondered how Loki survived. 

Steve had lost everyone who’d ever meant a damn to him, had lost his time, had come close to losing himself, but he wasn’t half the walking wound Loki was. Steve was surprised not to see splatters of blood following in Loki’s wake wherever he tread. Steve looked at Loki and wondered if it was really possible to fix something so broken. 

“I would advise you to wipe that expression off your face, _Captain._ I do not need your pity.” 

“You have something against pity?” the words were out of Steve’s mouth before he really had a chance to consider them. 

“I have everything against pity. You can only pity the weak” Loki’s voice was sharp and Steve could sense he was treading on shaky ground. 

“That’s not true” Steve protested, again the words out as a reflex, but after he spoke he wondered. _Can you pity the strong?_

“Do you have a brain of your own, Captain, or are you merely a parrot? I’m sure these platitudes can’t all be your own” Loki snapped. 

“I…” Steve began, but something in Loki’s face changed and there was a slyness there that made a shiver run up Steve’s spine. 

Loki interrupted, “Would you like me to pity you? Would that make you happy?” 

“I…” Steve began again, uncomfortable. He cursed himself for getting into this conversation with Loki, though he couldn’t reasonably see how he could have avoided it. This always happened. Something that seemed so innocuous to begin with, so simple it could never possibly turn into something ugly, would turn its jaws back on Steve before he had the chance to get out of the way. Steve wanted to leave the conversation, experience had taught him it wouldn’t end well, but short of simply walking away, which wasn’t an option, he had no idea how. 

“I don’t need your pity” Steve said, wincing even as he spoke. Something about Loki loosened his tongue, and for all intents and purposes softened his brain. _I don’t need your pity._ Predictably, that went down like a lead balloon and Loki’s face twisted with such malice Steve was caught somewhere between anger at himself for always saying the wrong thing, and concern for his wellbeing. 

“You do not need my pity, but I need yours” Loki said slowly, chewing on the words as he glared at Steve. “Your arrogance is quite something to witness.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that” Steve said mildly, feeling like a teenaged boy saying all the wrong things to his girlfriend. His murderous, towering, alien god of a girlfriend. 

“Your backpedalling lacks its usual franticness” Loki snapped. 

Steve set his jaw and saw an opening. 

“Pity isn’t only for the weak” Steve said, talking quickly when he saw Loki working up a sneer. “I pity Thor, and he’s the strongest guy I know.” 

Steve knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t quite repress the flush of victory he felt when Loki looked so utterly taken aback. His mouth was open slightly, poised at the beginning of a rant. 

“I do not know what you mean…” Loki spoke slowly, his eyes narrowed as though he expected a trap. 

“I think you do” Steve said with a direct look at Loki. The god’s constant avoidance made conversations frustrating, if not entirely pointless. Steve didn’t want more deflections. 

“Thor lost someone he loves…” Steve began, but before he could get another word out Loki’s fingers were tightening around Steve’s throat and he was struggling to breathe. 

“You should have listened when I told you to stop, Captain” Loki hissed, his face inches from Steve’s own and his teeth clenched. “What is the charming Midgardian expression? Ah yes… You should have ‘quit while you were ahead.’” 

Loki spoke the words carefully and a little hesitantly, as though he was scared of being wrong. Steve would’ve smiled if he could, he knew that feeling of uncertainty well, but the cold clench of Loki’s fist around his throat didn’t allow for much more than struggling to breathe. 

“Loki…” Steve choked out, squirming under the god’s grip. Steve knew if he tried, if he really tried, he had a good chance of throwing Loki off. But Steve was wary. If he retaliated with his full strength, this would be nothing but a full-on fight for survival. 

Steve didn’t want to take that step, didn’t want to push them over that line, and even though it was unquestionably Loki’s fault, Steve still held back. 

“Loki, stop…” 

Steve was sure Loki wasn’t gripping as hard as he could anyway. He could still draw breath, shallow and gasping, but he was breathing. His windpipe wasn’t crushed and his vision was fine. Loki was wary of escalation too. Although Steve thought they should have a frank discussion of what constituted ‘too far.’ He had a feeling his definition and Loki’s definition weren’t sharing a postcode. 

“Loki…” Steve gritted out for the third time, punctuating it by reaching up and clasping his hand over Loki’s wrist in clear warning. 

There was tension in the air as the standoff between the two dragged on. Steve began to tense his arm, ready to throw Loki off if he had to. Steve was looking Loki in the eye, trying to tell him. _This is it for you. This is your last last chance._ Loki seemed hesitant, but before either of them could draw breath, a howl split the air. 

Loki’s hand dropped from Steve’s throat immediately. He spun around and crouched down low, eyes sparking as he searched through the darkened woods around them for the source. 

Steve idly rubbed at his throat, unsurprised to feel no pain at all. Loki really had been holding back. Steve wasn’t sure if he should focus on that, or that Loki had his hand around Steve’s throat at all, but he was completely sure now wasn’t the time to think about it. 

That howl had seemed almost on top of them and Steve wished Tony were here with them. Iron Man could see in the dark, and without his teammate’s presence, Steve realised how much he’d come to rely on Tony in the field. 

Steve was brought out of his contemplation by Loki’s soft whisper. 

“Something is strange” Loki breathed and Steve stilled. “I should be able to sense it. Something is hiding it from me.” 

_Or someone,_ Steve thought, the tension in his body increasing by the second. Loki was right. Something was off. This was supposed to be a simple recon mission. Brief, boring, and quite possibly utterly pointless. But from the moment they’d come, something had been different. 

Steve cursed himself for not noticing earlier. He’d been too concerned with Loki to worry about much else, and it had taken him all this time, and Loki pointing it out, for him to connect the dots. 

This was a trap. 

“Loki” Steve began quietly and when the god turned towards him Steve was about to tell him they needed to get out of here, _now._ But as Loki turned, Steve was thrown sideways by an explosion that jarred his bones in his body and set his ears to ringing. 

Without knowing how, Steve was flat on his back, metres from where he’d been standing with Loki. He struggled to get up, feeling woozy and disorientated and, for the time being, deaf as a post. He stumbled a little as he regained his feet, squinting around himself for some sign of Loki. 

He couldn’t see anything and he felt the cold grip of fear as he wondered what had happened to Loki. Had he been taken? Destroyed by the blast? Neither seemed likely, Steve had only been on the ground for a few moments and if the blast had only sent Steve sprawling, it couldn’t have done much worse to Loki. 

Steve continued to scan the woods as another, more disquieting thought entered his mind. _He’s left me here._ The mere thought set Steve’s skin to crawling, but the twisting guilt that would come with thinking that about his other teammates never came. 

Loki wasn’t part of the team, not really. Steve had been lying to himself, lying to them all, and he couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t maybe what he deserved. He’d kept it to himself, the cruel games Loki was playing on their floor. If he’d told the others, if he hadn’t been too stubborn and too proud to admit he’d been wrong, maybe he’d have Tony or one of the others at his side instead of staring down his death alone. 


End file.
